Ok, see? see? what'd I tell you! Last Friday, THIS happened. We (almost) NEVER get snow. I told you, didn't I? A late cold spell blew through here Friday morning early just like always right before Easter and all the Azalea Trail stuff. The fruit trees and flowers are just coming out and here we go. Actually I don't think it did much damage. I haven't heard about much anyway. It didn't last all day. But it was beautiful while it lasted. I know you folks up north get so tired of it, and I would, too, if I had it all the time, but we get so little around here in Texas that we were all excited!!! I went to work Friday (the roads were clear) and my dad went over the farm and took some pictures for me. I SOOOO wanted to go and see what the farm
looked like with snow. This was second best I guess. Thanks DAD!I probably shouldn't have gone to work last week. I missed the entire week before due to bronchitis. I went back too soon. I have been sick with bronchitis again, and then my antibiotics started making me sick at my stomach and all that goes along with that. I was wasted this past weekend. I feel like a second hand drink of water. I'm a little better today, but am not going to work or getting out of this house until I'm 100%.
I was determined that this forum was not going to become my personal "poor little old me" column, but for my own sake I wanted to get some things off my chest and hopefully seeing them in print will be a sort of catharsis for me. I have never been one to worry or get depressed for more than a day or two over things. I have a generally positive outlook on life and when I DO get down, I know where to go (to God) and what to do to get myself out of it. These last 4-5 weeks have been pretty tough. I have known people that have had real depression that lasts for long periods of time, and didn't really understand why they couldn't just snap out of it after a time. Now I know. I hope to have more compassion for them now.
This all started about 5 weeks ago with an allergic reaction to some pizza that closed up my head, my throat and left me gasping for air. I was on the way home from work when it hit. I've never had that happen before. On top of that, it scared me so badly that I had a panic attack to go along with it. I couldn't breathe and I was gasping for air not knowing that it was panic and not the allergic reaction. I managed to call my husband and he called 911 from work, and I ran in the house. I grabbed up the benadryl and took a couple of big swigs and plopped on the couch. It scared my two kids to death. EMS was there in a couple of minutes and they checked me out - I WAS breathing and the benadryl was beginning to take effect.
They told me about the panic attack, and gradually I was able to calm down. I have never had a panic attack before in my life. I had had allergic reactions but never that severe. Over the last 5 weeks, whenever I have had anxious thoughts about anything - kids, health, job, future, whatever - I have felt that fear and panic rise up in my throat and my heart rate shoot up. It is all I can do to get hold of myself and calm down. I found that if I pray aloud or sing I can keep myself from hyperventilating. That's all I know to do.
Well, we've had several traumatic things happen with the puppy having to be put to sleep, the house getting broken into, me being sick for two and half weeks, which have given me several opportunities to get panicky again. Late winter is a depressing time for me anyway. I get this way every year. To top it all off, when I was sick this weekend with my stomach, getting de-hydrated makes me have problems with my tachycardia and my blood sugar. My husband has had to call EMS a couple of times in the past to come give me Denicard to stop my racing heart. I can't take hardly ANY medicine when I'm sick because medicines aggravate this condition. I was SO depressed this weekend I was ready to go to the hospital and let them take care of me - literally! I had packed an overnight case, and when my husband got home from church I told him I had had enough. But he knows me TOO well. He gave me a pep talk, and told me I needed to get out of bed and toughen up, and make myself eat and drink the 4 liters of Pedialyte that he'd bought and go outside and sit in the sunshine for awhile. (it was 70 here Sunday afternoon after being snow and 24 Friday and Saturday) Well, I was a little mad about it, but I did what he said. It was hard, but after a couple of hours, I was feeling better. Then he suggested riding out to the farm. First I said no, but after a while longer, I said yes.
Well, it was the best therapy that I could have taken. I breathed in that good country air and piddled around in the dirt a little, and sat on the deck and just soaked up the beauty around me. I've always believed that since I'm an artist, THAT's where I get my strength. THAT's where I can see and feel and touch God - in His handiwork. I am home from work today and have decided that I'm not going back until I feel perfect - I'm not going to rush. My great boss is handling things okay and will call me if he needs something. I have been reading my Bible today and praying for a good attitude and stronger faith. I asked Him to speak to me today through His word and to direct me where He would have me read. This is where my Bible fell open and I pray that I can apply what the verses said to my life in the way that He means and not what I want to read into it. But I cannot ask for knowledge to discern His will and then doubt. This was comforting to me today and I knew He meant for me to read this:
Jeremiah 1:17-19. (NIV) "Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be TERRIFIED by them, or I will terrify you before them. Today I have made you a FORTIFIED CITY, an IRON PILLAR and a BRONZE WALL to stand against the whole land - against the kings of Judah, it's officials, its priests and the people of the land. They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I AM WITH YOU, and I WILL RESCUE YOU," declares the Lord.
I know it was written back in Jeremiah's time, but for me today, it is more than enough to get me out of bed, on my knees in thanksgiving for a loving and compassionate God, who WILL uphold me and strengthen me when Satan's wiles try to deceive me and make me fearful and afraid and pessimistic and panicky. Thank you all for your prayers and concerns and kind words. I WILL be okay in a few days, I'm already feeling better. And thank you Lord, for knowing exactly what I need all the time - Your words of comfort and strength, and also for a husband who knows what I need even tho I may get aggravated. Vickie
