Where oh where do I begin? Where do I start? I left you all here in blogland, friends, to mourn the loss of my sister, Lisa, and just flat lost my blogging mojo. Still not sure if it's back yet, tho, so be patient with me. Time will tell... Grief kinda comes in waves...
In February, it'll be two years since we learned of Lisa's cancer, and our world turned upside down and sideways. I HATED that she had to go through the surgery, hated that she had to endure the chemo which in the end didn't really help, hated that she had pain and suffering especially those last few months. But, we had almost a year and a half to share, to love, to talk, to laugh, to cry, to hold each other, to pray together and with our parents and our families. We saw family members mend some hurt feelings and broken bonds and we all drew together as a family. Now, we've always been a close tight family, but you can't all be perfect all the time. Lisa's undaunting faith in the Lord and love impacted us all. Little things that used to bother me DO NOT MATTER. What matters is our love for God and our love for each other. That's all.
Lisa and I have always been connected at the hip. How we could grow any closer is hard to fathom, but grow closer we did. We had to get down to the nitty gritty and talk about some really hard stuff. Her kids first and foremost. All five of our kids belonged to both of us. Tony and I now have all five of these grown kids to call our own.
With Lisa, nothing was left unspoken, no love or feelings were not expressed, no tears cried together were not cried. I guess that's the thing with an extended illness - having time to say goodbye. Would that I could have gone through this for my little sister. Our parents have really had a hard time. It's not for me or us to understand except that we live in a fallen world. And if there were no pain and suffering, we would not need the love and saving grace of God. There was no pain or sorrow in the world when God created it - it was only when sin entered the garden and the world that the perfect became imperfect. We need the Lord desperately, and when we go through these times (and we all will) He promises to be with us and help us through. We will understand in the great by and by. Lisa's favorite verses...
Isaiah 40:31New International Version (NIV)
31 but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
My sister is soaring on wings like eagles and her strength has been renewed!!!
We shared SO much, sometimes we would even call each other at the same time or look at each other with unspoken words that we didn't need and KNOW what the other was thinking. One of the most wonderful things that we shared besides our faith is that we both became first time grandmothers in 2014. Lisa didn't get to see her little grandson make his grand entrance nor did she see my little granddaughter. But Tony said that perhaps she got to hold and love on both of them in heaven - that's comforting and I like to think that. It makes me happy to think about her holding both of those babies before we ever got to! I'm sharing a pic of Lisa's little Gauge, and one of my little Isabella. My daughter in law and son gave Bella my sister's middle name, much to my delight! Of course, that brought happy tears and I know it would be a hoot for Lisa to know that!
Gauge
Isabella
The Lord is SO GOOD to us! These two little babies have been a huge band-aid on our broken hearts! There IS Joy in the midst of pain and sorrow! Joy that we know that Lisa awaits us in Heaven, and Joy and thankfulness that God has brought these two little miracles into our lives at a time when we needed them most.
So... I want to end this long post on a good note, with a heavy but joyful heart feeling immersed in God's love and comfort upon our families at this time. Thank you, my blog friends, for all your love and prayers and well wishes that have come my way in these past two years. I'm looking forward to 2015!
14 comments:
It is so wonderful to see you here again....So much has happened for you. Those babies are sooo precious...and I love the thought of your sister knowing them first. :-)
I've been slacking in my blogging too. Just don't feel like I have much to say most of the time. But every now and then I just miss my friends too much and come on to share something.
Hope to see you here again soon.
Every little post you make is welcoming to us in blogland, as you heal from your loss. Those babies are precious! They will bring a lot of joy in the future. Take care and blog when you feel you can! Hugs and prayers!!
I have thought of you so many times. I prayed for your sister faithfully.
Thank you for catching us up. May God bless you all in the New Year.
I was surprised and delighted to see your post this morning as you've been on my mind a great deal. Seems you've embraced the best things that come through such a hard ordeal and your words of wisdom can be encouragement for others going through difficult situations.
I'm looking forward to following you through the rest of winter, and into the Spring as we watch you break ground on your garden. And chickens. :D
Its so good to see you back.
Oh those babies! They look like siblings rather than cousins. Beautiful children. I've told you before, though I'll say it again...I love how Tony thinks! No matter really as we can trust Him in all things. Take your time, but if you find yourself having a bloggy thought, don't stifle it. Ha! I know, I am a terrible arm twister. Lovely to read what you have to say.
I'm so happy that you are back to blogging again. I went through the same thing as you this past year with my brother. He was diagnosed with Melanoma cancer in May that had spread internally and he went home to heaven on Nov. 3 - just 6 months later. I've been grieving and it's been difficult but I also know that I will see him again in heaven one day. I hope you will find the strength and peace to continue blogging. Blessings to you. Pam
So glad to see you here this evening..I've kept you in my prayers as I know the pain of losing a sister. So thankful for the precious Blessings that God has given to your family through the birth of these two babies... You are such a Blessing to all of us out here and I know that as God allows, you will continue to bless us through your wonderful Blog!! Big Hugs....
Lovely way to re-enter the blogosphere. Good to see you back - I know how painful the extended illness of a loved one affects every aspect of life. I never did find my blogging mojo but you have the farm and grandbabies and gardens to report about - and your art to resume - welcome back Sweet Vickie
Thank you for sharing, this is just beautiful. My heart just caught every word. Blessings as you continue to heal, even though total healing will be in heaven, I know you will be able to share with your daughter's grandchildren who she was. God is faithful and the joy of new birth is amazing..being a Grandmother is just pure joy.
Oh sweet friend... what a year it was... and still is in many ways for you. The relationship between you and Lisa is so beautiful and your heavenly reunion one day will continue your sisterly bond.
Those two babies are ... adorable! Little Bella and Gauge. What a legacy!!! Love and prayers dear Vickie...
Vickie, Nothing I can say will in anyway be expressive enough. It is only God's strength that sees us through these times. I sincerely wish and pray for heart healing, joy and goodness in the coming year for you and your family.
I have been waiting to see you back. So glad to read this post as I also follow your son on FB and knew that your sister had passed on. My heart goes out to you as I also lost my little sister 10 yrs ago ti cancer also. It does get better at times but it is just not in the order of things for the youngest to go first.
May God continue to Bless you and heal your heart.
Glad to see you again, but so sorry for your loss. I have wondered many times about your sister (i'll just add that I've been thru the cancer journey recently with a loved one). Prayers for your healing and comfort. And on a happy note... Beautiful babies!! hugs, Tammy
Oh Vickie, I cried when reading this. I just wrote a post the other day about losing my mom when she was 57 years old to cancer, but I couldn't hit the "post" button, so it's sitting in the box. I might now have the courage to post it. I cried when reading this...you spoke words of truth about there being a gift in having some time with a terminal illness, so that we can indeed have a moment to say or do what is in our heart instead of a traumatic, sudden death that leaves no time for anything but devastation. I see your art and see the beauty in it, the intensity seems to have changed since Lisa passed away, as if you are channeling some of that passion and love. You are right about her holding the babies before anyone else...I know God is merciful and allows us to not suffer in His presence. Oh the joy your sister must have been given as she knew every little detail of the babies, in an instant. And your son and daughter-in-law giving the baby their aunt's name for her middle name is incredible. Thank you for sharing. It's a difficult to journey to not have the ones we love within reaching distance, but they are truly still with us and closer than ever before, it's just not the same. :-(
Lana
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