Taking a Little Break

Hello, all my dear ones out there. I know you all have been checking on me, and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for all your words of encouragement, all your well wishes and all your prayers most of all. I am still struggling to get over this bug. I have been through 2 rounds of antibiotics and started another one today. I have had shots, and steroids and x-rays, and ekgs and tons of bloodwork - you name it. I still have a little bronchitis, and now they tell me I have a little pleurisy, too. I had to go to the emergency room last night. I was having severe chest pains and was worried about my heart of course. They checked me over well, and the Dr. said that pleurisy certainly does mimic a heart attack. I never knew what pleurisy was, but they said it was an inflamation of the lung cavity and probably because I'd been sick for so long. So here we go with another round of meds.

But I am thankful for living in the good ole USA where you can run to the ER, run to just about any wonderful Dr around the corner, run the pharmacy and get whatever you need to help yourself get well. I was thinking about people in past ages before the time of good medicine and what they must have had to suffer through. It truly was "survival of the fittest" - you either got better or you died. I am deeply thankful to be living in this time. My family has been great - my husband has taken a few days off from work to help me, my daughter has been my nurse, and my friends and family have chipped in to help out with food. I'm blessed beyond measure.

I'm most thankful to the Lord for getting me through this. I will have some anxiety issues to deal with after this illness is over, but certainly being physically sick for so long has done nothing to help with the mental part of it! I have found several different outlets to start checking into on the anxiety thingie, so I'm looking forward to being well enough to begin getting a handle on that.

I just wanted you all to know that I appreciate your care and concern to come check on me. I may take little breaks from blogging from time until I am back to my old self. I love this blogging thing, but somehow, this is wierd - mostly all I did while I was my sickest was read emails and research stuff on the internet and read blogs - it all reminds me of anxiety and being sick. I'm having to back off a little and take it in small increments - I know that sounds wierd and it's hard to explain - just like I dread going to bed at night, because nights were the worst. I haven't slept a whole night through without getting up at least 3-4 times to feed my hypoglycemia (which the Dr says is caused by too much adrenaline from anxiety which causes the body to create too much insulin which causes hypoglycemia) to just not being able to sleep. Anyway, it depresses me to get into bed. I've taken to getting on the couch some. My hubby has not been able to sleep with me at all, cuz I'm up and down so much and he's got to go to work. He does come and check on me. I have been sick to my stomach from the hypoglycemia/antibiotics for 3 weeks now and have lost 10 lbs. I did need to lose some weight, but not this way.

Well, enough - just know that I'm coming back from time to time - I'm not gone. and perhaps this will all change and get better when I can be physically well again and have a whole new outlook on life. I'm SOOOOOOO ready to get back to LIFE! Thank you all my friends! Vickie

Late Snowfall

Ok, see? see? what'd I tell you! Last Friday, THIS happened. We (almost) NEVER get snow. I told you, didn't I? A late cold spell blew through here Friday morning early just like always right before Easter and all the Azalea Trail stuff. The fruit trees and flowers are just coming out and here we go. Actually I don't think it did much damage. I haven't heard about much anyway. It didn't last all day. But it was beautiful while it lasted. I know you folks up north get so tired of it, and I would, too, if I had it all the time, but we get so little around here in Texas that we were all excited!!! I went to work Friday (the roads were clear) and my dad went over the farm and took some pictures for me. I SOOOO wanted to go and see what the farm looked like with snow. This was second best I guess. Thanks DAD!

I probably shouldn't have gone to work last week. I missed the entire week before due to bronchitis. I went back too soon. I have been sick with bronchitis again, and then my antibiotics started making me sick at my stomach and all that goes along with that. I was wasted this past weekend. I feel like a second hand drink of water. I'm a little better today, but am not going to work or getting out of this house until I'm 100%.

I was determined that this forum was not going to become my personal "poor little old me" column, but for my own sake I wanted to get some things off my chest and hopefully seeing them in print will be a sort of catharsis for me. I have never been one to worry or get depressed for more than a day or two over things. I have a generally positive outlook on life and when I DO get down, I know where to go (to God) and what to do to get myself out of it. These last 4-5 weeks have been pretty tough. I have known people that have had real depression that lasts for long periods of time, and didn't really understand why they couldn't just snap out of it after a time. Now I know. I hope to have more compassion for them now.

This all started about 5 weeks ago with an allergic reaction to some pizza that closed up my head, my throat and left me gasping for air. I was on the way home from work when it hit. I've never had that happen before. On top of that, it scared me so badly that I had a panic attack to go along with it. I couldn't breathe and I was gasping for air not knowing that it was panic and not the allergic reaction. I managed to call my husband and he called 911 from work, and I ran in the house. I grabbed up the benadryl and took a couple of big swigs and plopped on the couch. It scared my two kids to death. EMS was there in a couple of minutes and they checked me out - I WAS breathing and the benadryl was beginning to take effect.

They told me about the panic attack, and gradually I was able to calm down. I have never had a panic attack before in my life. I had had allergic reactions but never that severe. Over the last 5 weeks, whenever I have had anxious thoughts about anything - kids, health, job, future, whatever - I have felt that fear and panic rise up in my throat and my heart rate shoot up. It is all I can do to get hold of myself and calm down. I found that if I pray aloud or sing I can keep myself from hyperventilating. That's all I know to do.

Well, we've had several traumatic things happen with the puppy having to be put to sleep, the house getting broken into, me being sick for two and half weeks, which have given me several opportunities to get panicky again. Late winter is a depressing time for me anyway. I get this way every year. To top it all off, when I was sick this weekend with my stomach, getting de-hydrated makes me have problems with my tachycardia and my blood sugar. My husband has had to call EMS a couple of times in the past to come give me Denicard to stop my racing heart. I can't take hardly ANY medicine when I'm sick because medicines aggravate this condition. I was SO depressed this weekend I was ready to go to the hospital and let them take care of me - literally! I had packed an overnight case, and when my husband got home from church I told him I had had enough. But he knows me TOO well. He gave me a pep talk, and told me I needed to get out of bed and toughen up, and make myself eat and drink the 4 liters of Pedialyte that he'd bought and go outside and sit in the sunshine for awhile. (it was 70 here Sunday afternoon after being snow and 24 Friday and Saturday) Well, I was a little mad about it, but I did what he said. It was hard, but after a couple of hours, I was feeling better. Then he suggested riding out to the farm. First I said no, but after a while longer, I said yes.

Well, it was the best therapy that I could have taken. I breathed in that good country air and piddled around in the dirt a little, and sat on the deck and just soaked up the beauty around me. I've always believed that since I'm an artist, THAT's where I get my strength. THAT's where I can see and feel and touch God - in His handiwork. I am home from work today and have decided that I'm not going back until I feel perfect - I'm not going to rush. My great boss is handling things okay and will call me if he needs something. I have been reading my Bible today and praying for a good attitude and stronger faith. I asked Him to speak to me today through His word and to direct me where He would have me read. This is where my Bible fell open and I pray that I can apply what the verses said to my life in the way that He means and not what I want to read into it. But I cannot ask for knowledge to discern His will and then doubt. This was comforting to me today and I knew He meant for me to read this:

Jeremiah 1:17-19. (NIV) "Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be TERRIFIED by them, or I will terrify you before them. Today I have made you a FORTIFIED CITY, an IRON PILLAR and a BRONZE WALL to stand against the whole land - against the kings of Judah, it's officials, its priests and the people of the land. They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I AM WITH YOU, and I WILL RESCUE YOU," declares the Lord.

I know it was written back in Jeremiah's time, but for me today, it is more than enough to get me out of bed, on my knees in thanksgiving for a loving and compassionate God, who WILL uphold me and strengthen me when Satan's wiles try to deceive me and make me fearful and afraid and pessimistic and panicky. Thank you all for your prayers and concerns and kind words. I WILL be okay in a few days, I'm already feeling better. And thank you Lord, for knowing exactly what I need all the time - Your words of comfort and strength, and also for a husband who knows what I need even tho I may get aggravated. Vickie

Just ramblings...

Good morning - I have nothing much to say except that I still have this little "bug" that won't go away. I'm still on antibiotics and cough medicine, etc. It started out with a cold last week - about 10 days ago, then it went into bronchitis, went to the Dr., got medicine, started feeling better over the weekend, now I don't feel good again. No fever, just malaise and droopiness. What's going on? I'm ready to get back to life - I missed a whole week of work - my nice boss is paying for my days off - but I'll go back to work gladly if I could just feel better!!!!!

Ok enough bellyaching - I haven't posted, but I've read lots of your blogs while recuperating (?) and found some new ones that I like very much! Hope I'll be back in the land of the living soon! Take care - don't get my bug! Vickie

Mama's dishes

Just thought I'd show you mama's dishes that were stolen. They're Currier & Ives, each piece is named something different. I think the dinner plate is "The Old Grist Mill". The different sizes of dishes all have a different title and picture. They were not expensive, but I loved them. I love blue transferware. Well, I went to Robbinsnest and Replacements.com and found them so I can replace most of them. I still have 2 dinnerplates and a couple of cups so they didn't clean me out completely. My grandmother's dishes are by Johnson Brothers and they're called "Tally Ho". Brown transferware with some burgandy and a little green on them and they depict different hunt scenes with horses, dogs, etc. They were beautiful, too. Anyway, just thought I'd show you my pretty plates!

Spring

I'm going to change the subject! I'm so sick and tired of complaining and whining about poor pitiful me (altho the last 2 weekends have been really crappy as my kids say). The weather here has been rather nice. Today it was almost balmy. Probably 75 or 80, but with a breeze which kept it from being too warm. I've been wanting to get out in the garden and do some planting, but experience tells me to wait a couple more weeks anyway to avoid a late freeze. It DOES happen even in Texas. The year my brother was born, March 15, 1963, my mama went to the hospital to have him and it snowed several inches and was freezing cold when my nanny took me and my sister to see our new little brother!

I have kept my pansies alive this winter - even remembered to feed them - they still look great! I sometimes have a brown thumb, but it's usually due to the lack of consistent care rather than just not knowing what to do. I have made a new resolution to pay the strictest of care with my plants and garden this year since we are getting started at the farm. I have been busy planting bulbs, and we have set out pecan, plum, peach, dogwood, and crepe myrtle, oh yeah, a few live oak trees, too. Of course we'll probably be dead and gone when the live oaks are big, but maybe our kids will get to enjoy them. We also got a new hybrid called a HICAN (cross pecan and hickory nut). My husband just wanted to get one and see what it did.

Right now we have wild daffodils growing everywhere along the barbed wired fence on the side of the house and they are so pretty. The pear trees are blossoming right now, they're always the first around here along with the tulip trees.

I hope to have tomatoes, carrots, corn, a little squash (cuz I'm the only one that eats it), onions, potatoes, maybe some cucumbers (cuz I have the BEST spicy sweet dill pickle recipe from my grandmother that I'll share with you this summer), purple hull peas and some pole beans. My grandmother taught me how to can, so I'll have to clear out some storage space for jars. In a few years I'll have plum and peach jelly and pear preserves. In the meantime, dad's got all the peaches and plums for that, and I get together with my sister and we make the jelly (mom doesn't like to do that stuff).

Here's a little shot of part of my garden area behind the house. We got it tilled up and are raking the dead weeds out. We'll make our rows this weekend and try to set the onions out. Bunches of folks have already done that. A little frost on the tops won't hurt them.

Well, that's about all for now. It cheers me up to see these flower pictures. I have to say, too, HOW VERY MUCH I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU THAT HAVE STOPPED BY TO GIVE ME SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT DURING THE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS. It's been a couple of hard weekends around our house, but your comments and kindnesses and support have been wonderful! Thank you all my bloggie friends out there. I can feel the friendship and the things we share in common and I'm so glad to have found you all! Vickie