I'm also going to put in my disclaimer right now before this post. In case of negative feedback or FBI agents at my door or special liasons from P*TA, let me guarantee you that the photos that you are about to view were taken 48 hours after the demise of the subject herein represented. May contain disturbing (and funny) images so if you are squeamish, please feel free to avoid this post. Subject has been accused and convicted of confiscation of grubs and/or other sub-terrain flora and fauna and is also liable for destruction & sinking of structures of pier & beam sort into the ground, and the occasional broken and twisted ankles of person(s) treading upon above-ground terrain. The convicted felon was found dead Tuesday, March 16, 2010, at 3:30 p.m. in an underground maze shared by his co-horts. Cause of death was a steel trap. The names have been omitted pending capture of family members who are also involved in this case...
Do I dare?
Can you handle it?
Just having a little fun here.
Mr. Gopher and his kith & kin are chewing and digging and ruining my yard, so I am exposing him posthumuosly (?) to some public ridicule. He never knew a thing...
Well, here goes the first one...
Ok here is the culprit. Would you take a look at those claws and teeth??? Man, they can really do some major damage here. I laid him up on the hood of my car so it would make a good contrast. Looks good, don't you think? See - no blood. He's very cute actually - just looks asleep. If that makes you feel better, well that's okay by me.
Do you see those little pockets on the sides of his face? They're outside pockets. He stuffs grubs or whatever tasty delight he's found in his digging into those pockets and pulls it out to munch on it later on. Can you see what he's got?
It's part of some kind of bug - maybe a piece of grasshopper - nope, can't be - it's not grasshopper season yet. That won't come til about July or so... Guess it's some kinda grub or something - but it doesn't have a head. I guess Mr. Gopher ate its head off already.
Let's see what else he's been upto. I think I missed him a couple of times because he's been travelling incognito - (see next photo)
He's been posing as a hood ornament on some smaller foreign cars. Hangs on tight with them claws...
Next, Mr. Gopher was apprehended trying to hide out in Mr. & Mrs. Bluebird's new condo under the mattress, but that didn't work either. He discovered that he was bigger around than the doorway. 
After being on the run and on the dig for several weeks, he finally succombed to exhaustion and was discovered asleep on a glider and was apprehended by police where he was later executed for his crimes. Our condolences to his family, but let this be a warning to them that their unlawful behaviour and destructiveness will not be tolerated, and the same demise will come to those who break the law of lawn and garden. They have permission to dig all they want to out in the 70 acres of pastureland - NOT in the yard. Mr. Gopher will NOT be missed. May he rest in peace (well, I guess he was resting in peace until some crazy photographer decided to have some fun with him before burial).
Ok, whadaya'll think? Have I completely gone off the deep end?
I really do love animals. I have never done anything cruel or inhumane in my life. It's all ya'll's fault for making me come up with something silly to post. And to Kathy B at Cedar Pond for issuing this challenge! And it's certainly the gophers' fault for tearing up my yard!
If I get ONE negative comment, this post is TOAST!!! It was all done in fun! So for Pete's sake, don't take this seriously!!!
NOTE TO ADD: CHECK OUT A NEW BUDDY'S BLOG - MARY AT JMPPASTTIMES! She's a vintage girl with a beautiful blog and you guys will be sorry if you don't give her a visit! She's a fairly new blogger so hurry on over there and tell her I sent you!!! Thanks!!!
45 comments:
LOL...I can just see it...the next animated feature! (How can you stand to touch it...yuck...I couldn't!) But the whole thing was written up in a way cute fashion! Good job :D
Any woman who would pose a dead varmit in very funny ways is OK in my book! :-) Lucky you to just have little guys ck my post for dead skunk pictures from the weekend- Me posing dead skunk for pics NOT! He is just dead and stinkin up my farm
Funny Stuff :-)
Have a blessed night
You are hilarious! They are some ugly varmints. So glad he is toast.
And anyway normalicy is overrated.
Hugs,
Tara
Holy Cats!!! I have not laughed that hard for so long!!
One of these days you will go outside and there will be a whole army of the little varmints, all lined up with little guns or people traps, ready to start war with you! Prepare yourself, it won't be pretty - we've had this same problem with ground squirrels - trust me it can get ugly!
Loved it!
Furry blessings, Barb
Kid, you are SICK! TOTALLY AND WITHOUT RESERVATIONS, SICK! I think you need a vacation. Tell Tony he'd better get you off that farm muy pronto and down to the beach! That hood ornament thing really got to me... I think Tara and I need to come down and give you some therapy.
Congratulations! We both have one for march. I was surprised by how small gophers are, and they have pouches too.
Very funny post Vickie, I will add a score for you in my sidebar soon. And kudos to you for posting this, please don't delete it! Have you ever watched Ted Nugent's ( Spirit of The Wild)hunting shows on T.V.? Embrace your inner hunter / trapper, you're a Texan who knows how to fight for her land!
I am so glad you explained his pouch!! I was wondering what the heck that was on the side of his face!! Seems like you could make your very own Weekend at Bernie's. LOL!
YES, I would love to have you visit with Tara and Debbie! I'm thinking when the azaleas are blooming???
You're a hoot! The only good varmint is a dead one. I didn't realize they were so small. They are kinda like rats with an overbite! We had either gopher's or mole's when we lived at Cedar Creek Lake. We would go to sleep at night and wake up the next morning to tunnels all throughout the yard. Destructive critters! I hope you get every last one of them!
YOu are just having way too much fun with that dead gopher! I love to kill those little buggers too. Our weenie dog mix will get them too,but she digs up the yard worse that the gophers do!
Too funny... those gophers had better stay away!!!
Soo funny! I just want to know how you caught him. Those varmits have run amuck in my yard, and my hubby has tried everything known to man to get rid of them. Our yard is a maze of tunnels!!! yuck
Really, if you have ANY advice, it would be appreciated.
Blessings,
Sandra
skblanks@yahoo.com
Oh Vickie, this post is so cute and funny! If I were a gopher in your yard, I'd be packing my bags and moving out.
I love animals too, but gophers are really ugly.....can't believe you touched it...... eeeeekkk!
Thanks for my morning chuckle.
Hugs,
Dolores
Vickie - this is hysterically funny -you have done what few can accomplish - take varmint killing to a humor high art! Too fun - thanks for a good laugh!
OOOh my. I laughed so hard that tea came out of my nose!!!
Thanks for the great laugh. It is the best medicine after all.
My hubby is known to put hats on dead coons and such. He even put sunglasses and a smoke in one!!!
Have a wonderful day.
You know Vickie, I thought you were a nice girl, I thought I could come here for some genteel decency, I thought you were sweet and loving to all of the creatures that roam the earth, I thought children could be safe coming here and reading your posts, I would have recomended your blog to just about everyone, and now, it pains me to say I can no longer half heartedly come here. Instead I am going to dash right over and see what you have done to the gophers next! You really ought to start skinning them and making real golpher puppets. It could be a huge trend.
CUTE BLOG, COME BY FOR A VISIT, I AM LOOKING FOR NEW BLOG FRIENDS. XO MARY
You are certifiable! Hope that doesn't count as being one negative post because this was hugely entertaining. Glad that you got the little varmint and may you round up all his kin, too!
You are having too much fun being at the top of the food chain.
Margo
How can you handle/touch/pose that critter?!?
But then, I read that Tasha Tudor used to take critters out of her rain barrel, where they'd drown themselves, and posed them, for her illustrations. And put 'em in a freezer for further use. Suppose if TT did it...
But just don't ask me to pose any dead critters! >,-))))
♣♣♣Happy St. Patrick's Day♣♣♣
Oh, I'll never be the same again. My favorite picture is the hood ornament! LOL
That dastardly varment got his due and then some. Fair warning to family members.
That is one gross pocket.
You go girl....Actually, I'd like to see a sequel...Think of it part XXI!!!
You were too creative with this post!
I have something negative to say...just kidding!
This post is hilarious!
I looked at the teeth on that critter and said "Ewww!"
Glad you got 'em.
Hysterical. You are so bad. I can just imagine you taking pictures for this post. LOL
Actually, another way to rid yourself of these stubborn critters is to get rid of the grubs. We had mole tunnels all through our yard at our prior house. We sprayed for grubs and did see a huge reduction...but the neighbors didn't so it isn't foolproof.
Becky K.
now that was some very funny stuff...I loved it!!!!
This was very Weekend At Bernies of you! Lol!
Nothing negative here! Made my day :-)
Hugs,
Renee
Vicki, you are such a hoot! So very funny! I have been having trouble with mice in my greenhouse! Blessings,Kathleen
I think this is a first for me...posed dead rodent!
Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
Actually, seeing those little pockets up close and almost personal was pretty cool! I'd never get that close to one in real life! ;-)
Dianne
http://www.patacakebabies.com/wordpress
I laughed so hard at this! Reminds me of those dark days in the past when people's heads were put up on pikes along the roadside as a warning...C
Okay, now we all know you're certifiable. ROFL!
LOL He is sooooooo gross...can't believe those claws. You did a public service!
Hi Vicki! I am interested in the Pay It Forward and Sunny suggested I link to her winners that way I can get started. I am a clueless blogger so I often need a push in the right direction. Technical is not a word I am very familiar with!
But this gopher post is great! Those lil critters are cute but can they wreck some havoc in your yard!
I am now following you so please stop by to say hi! I am a work in progress you could say but I love writing and truly enjoy the many friendships I have formed here.
Blessings and have a super weekend!
They are driving me to drink....my yard is terrible and my dogs and cats are digging everywhere trying to get them....it is a mess.
Love your little story.
Barbara
They are driving me to drink....my yard is terrible and my dogs and cats are digging everywhere trying to get them....it is a mess.
Love your little story.
Barbara
LMAO this is the funniest post ever. I love the way you wrote it and the pics to go along with it.
I have to disagree with you though when you said He's sort of cute...Nah...not much. Those claws are awful.
I just went out to our chicken coop and when I opened the door, a couple of mice went running. Yikes I hate those things and I would hate your gophers even more.
Glad you got em!!
Nicely done! I think some animals just need to live out in the woods, not in the yard or garden!
You absolutely crack me up.
Well Done!
www.saenzmom.blogspot.com
Thanks,
Mal
oh, you are wicked good fun!
one thanksgiving my dad put
a dead raccoon on my aunt's
beautiful dining room table.
Vicki, This post is hilarious! I'm constantly battling these critters and devising ways to rid myself of them. And it was a great science lesson for my girls. We've never looked at the underneath side to observe those big pockets. Perhaps next time we will (if the cats and dog don't mangle it too bad before we get a chance!).
Thanks for adding Homestead Revival to your blog! I look forward to visiting with you often!
Ummm...did you wash your hands with bleach and water.
Ummm.... OK.
I just discovered this blog and I am HOOKED! I learned alot about those nasty, little creatures and laughed the whole time! What a hoot!
Very funny! We lived in a very sandy part of south texas for a very long time. NO more, thank goodness! My husband is from the city and while clearing his property to build the house he called me one evening and told me there were fire ant mounds everywhere but he showed them. He poisoned every one of them! The next morning we went out to do more clearing and I had to laugh when he so proudly showed me all of his ant mound. They were gopher mounds!!! He quickly learned to tell the difference but to this day I think it's hysterical! BTW we are back in the city and have had more wildlife in our yard than we had while living rural... go figure!
Fun post!
Jennifer
Those pocket gophers have made a huge mess of our alfalfa field. Glad you caught one!
i linked over here today, because this
is one of my all time favorite posts!
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